June 20, 2016

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you hadn't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." - Steve Jobs

Inspiration is something that comes and goes. Sometimes I feel like I just hit a wall and then I'm so stuck I can't bring myself to write or shoot anything because I am so uninspired. It all builds up, and I feel like I can't handle the pressure. The pressure to live up to your past work, to continue to improve each time and the pressure that you are never going to be good enough. 

The past couple of months I drafted post after post after post, even the past week I just haven't been able to bring myself to finish anything. I just never felt like nothing would ever be good enough to get me back in the game. And it's not like I don't have anything to say anymore, because I have so many topics that I would love to write about, and have that begun but not finished. I just don't really know where to go from here.

When I was little I told my mum that I wanted to be a writer and she said, you can be a writer if you want, but you won't eat. And you know what, to this day I've never forgotten that. I was so young and so easily influenced that I immediately decided that writing wouldn't be the career for me and focussed my attention on becoming a teacher, a PR agent, a lawyer and pretty much every other career under the sun. One small comment from someone who meant a lot to me made me give up on my dream. Since then I've grown about ten years older and gained a lot of perspective, I've realised that just because something might not make you the most money, doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. Right now, if I had forced myself I could be studying a Law or Business degree, only to sit in an office for the rest of my life and that's just not me. I'm not a suit and tie kind of girl where you do as you're told and don't have a say. Whilst in every job there is always times when you have to keep your mouth shut and put your head down, but there is a difference.

Ellen Johnson Sirlead said that if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough, whilst I love this quote and say it to myself every time I have any sense of doubt sometimes I do wonder if my dreams are too big. Maybe I should listen to my mum and those that keep you grounded, but at the time time fear of failure has a lot more power over me than fear of of my dreams. So I've discovered the key to most things, is the ability to fake it till you make it.

Whilst I do have big dreams and big plans I do carry around a fear of failure. If writing is something that I want to do, then why not do it. I know I say this every time I have a break and then start writing again, but I want to try and write more. I want to express my feelings and viewpoints in a way that is not harmful to anyone and hopefully go somewhere with this, because at the end of the day what's the harm. 

Whilst you need to have confidence in your own work and ability, there is a fine line between cockiness and confidence and I find the more I delve into the creative world, the more I discover there are so many people who just like me are so deeply insecure about their work but have developed the ability to fake confidence and cockiness so well you can't even tell. It's to the point where I've noticed that some people are so deeply insecure, that it causes conflict. Whilst I do have insecurities about my work and I do experience a lack of inspiration I'd like to think I have the ability to get around this. That even though sometimes I do get anxious and scared, that I can do this. I can be a creative person.

I find there are difficulties that come along with being stamped as a creative person, you're putting yourself in a category where there are many stereotypes. For me, the creative industry keeps me inspired, forces me to grow and makes me a better person, for many people it's nothing like that. They see the creative industry as a place full of stoners and eccentrics, destined to make no money. And this is a stereotype that we must carry around with us. On my second week as an Intern at a photography studio, my boss told me to take everything said with a grain of salt, and whilst I do not really understand this expression I feel like it's useful advice to pass on for those wishing to enter this industry. Whether you're Dorothy or Alice stepping into a new world can be terrifying and you will feel challenged everyday, but trust me, it's a lot of fun. 

Fear of failure is something we all live with. We all carry around with us, and we all struggle with. Sometimes you just don't know how to deal with it. Whether you're struggling with writers block, lacking inspiration or just missing something in your life; it's not always a bad thing to just step back and take a breath. Try something new, trying something old, keep your mind busy and eventually you'll be able to make the right decision and what you need will come to you.

At the end of the day, I really do believe hard work and passion is the key to success and happiness.


Image: Shot by me. 

You Might Also Like