Personal Strength.

October 13, 2015


"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realise this, and you will find personal strength." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations  

The thing is, right now I have some pretty amazing stuff happening in my life, but there's always these little fears which still affect me. Everything someone says has an effect on me whether it's meant to or not and it's likely that I will spend hours obsessing over it whether it was something negative or something positive. I don't know why, but it's jus the way I am and that's okay. Self-acceptance is one of the things that most adolescents struggle with, depending on what situation you're in it's often really hard to accept yourself and find your place in the world. The thing you have to remember is that everyone is fighting the same battle, fighting to find where they fit. 

They say never judge a person till you've walked a mile in their shoes, and if there's a list of quotes to live by then this would 100% be on that list. Right now every single individual has a battle which they are fighting, every single person is fighting from the moment they open their eyes to the moment they close them again that night. It's hard to remember this at times when you get caught up in your own world. As humans we have a tendency to become a bit self-obsessed; which is completely fine but it's important to also show an interest in the lives of others, listen to their stories and woes and try and help them remain positive.

Whilst I strongly recommend listen to people's problems and being the best friend you can be, that's one of my personal top priorities in life, it's also important to not give every part of yourself away. Where you get to the point that people are just taking from you, and suddenly you have no time for yourself. Every part of your existence has been stolen away and all you want to do is curl up, because you feel so hollow. At times life can be really overwhelming and sometimes all you want to do is hide away from the world, but from my experience this is the WORST thing you can do. Yes from time to time it's nice to hide away in your room but I know that at the end of the day nothing good can come of this. 

Life can sometimes be incredibly scary and overwhelming but all you have to do is take a deep breath and acknowledge this. You have to accept that life is fragile and that something could go wrong at any moment, but life is too short to live with regrets. Life is too short to say no to amazing opportunities. Life is too short to dwell on petty things. 

Sometimes you have to take a step back and just take some time and deep breaths. This can be if you suffer from anxiety or you just have a temper, stepping back and counting to five can stop you from doing something really awful that could really effect someone, holding your tongue and stopping before you act is really important, but this doesn't mean saying no. Over the past year I've tried to say yes to as many opportunities as I can, forcing time in my schedule to do everything I possibly can and telling the little voice at the back of my head to shove it. From personal experience saying yes has led to nothing but joy. Though I've also said no to some things because it just didn't feel right, there's a difference and whilst it is a fine line you just have to give yourself a little push, because you never know what could come of it. You have to fight for what you believe in and fight for what you want, because no one else is going to fight for you. 

At the end of the day, whilst it is really important to have support and be supportive, you have to rely on your own personal strength, your own faith in yourself and your ability to look after yourself. You have gotten this far on your own, and you're the one whose tucking yourself into bed at night, there's no one to hold your hand and help you through it's just you. Sometimes we need a reminder of our own personal strength and whilst there is nothing wrong with getting help if you need it, you're are the one that needs to ask for help. Everyone does need a little help sometimes but it takes a great deal of courage to accept yourself for who you are, and take steps to face your fears and solve your own problems. It takes courage to face the world everyday when it seems so much safer in your room, but just think of what amazing opportunities could be just around the corner!  

Be brave, take baby steps, I'm always here if you need me and I have faith in you. 

♡♡♡

TuesdayThoughts

Sharing.

August 11, 2015


"You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars." - Gary Allen

In general if someone breaks my trust I find it really hard to forgive, I spend a lot of my time wondering what could've been, and I hate sharing my things.

It's not that I don't want to share my belongings because most of the time I don't mind, it's just hat people have a tendency to not take care of other people's things and that's what really bothers me. Sometimes I just want something all to myself, that's why I often keep things bottled up and hidden away because I just constantly have the feeling that someone is going to come and take it from me, and once they have taken it they're going to do so much better with it then me. 

The real question is; why do I feel like this?

To be honest I've been this way since I was a child. I hated sharing things with my siblings and I would be constantly criticised for my inability to share, but the thing is, in my mind I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk giving someone else something that was so precious to me in case it was damaged when I got it back.
I'm still the same today, which may make me seem childish but if someone has broken my trust in the past I'm going to be incredibly sceptical of them. The other day my sister was borrowing a book of mine and I made her carry it in a zip lock bag because I didn't want her to damage it. My family have learnt to live with it and accept that that's just the way I am, which is the really good thing about families, they love you unconditionally and accept you for who you are.

As well as my things, I'm the same in life. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable when other people copy me or do something similar. Not in a way where it's unintentional but if the person is doing something exactly the same as me, it's going to bother me. Personally I think it stems back to the whole inability to share, just picture me as a small child ripping the toy out of your hand because I was too afraid to lend it to you. Sometimes I deliberately don't tell someone something because I know that they will go and do the exact same thing as me and it bothers me, it really does. This happens a lot of the time with friends, because what if the new person likes everyone else more than me? What if they develop a better friendship and I'm left behind because I'm not interesting enough.

It just feels like they're being stolen away from me and therefore I've become second best, tossed aside like yesterdays washing. To be honest I know that for a lot of people I'm they're second or third choice and it sucks, I know it's impossible to be everyones first choice, but consciously knowing that someone only messaged me because they wanted something from me or that I'm their back up hurts. It's the same as when you're with someone and they're texting someone else. It just feels like you're being put second and you're not worth their time. 

From a psychological perspective this will all probably stem from some childhood issue and it will take a few months of therapy and a couple grand to fix, but I guess that makes me, me. No one wants to live in a cookie cutter society where we are exact copies of each other, no matter how exciting it is to find someone with the same interests as you, imagine if everything you loved you the entire world loved and therefore you had to share the things that make you unique with everyone. It may be my inner hipster, but I can't imagine anything worse. I can't imagine living in a world where everyone is the same. I would be bored to death and after years of growing up reading thousands of books where the character who hates everything being the same, is the one who goes on the adventure, changes the nature of society and becomes the hero; to me, it seems like believing in change and difference is the way to be. 

The thing is that by keeping my secrets and my belongings to myself it really isn't hurting anyone. At the end of the day I'm just not sharing something with someone else and that's not harming anyone or going to lead to a life or death situation. Maybe when I'm older I'll learn that skill I was meant to learn at age four but forgot.
One day I might be able to let everyone borrow my things and not have a single care if they are returned damaged (as you can tell I'm still holding onto some grudges), but for now what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours.

♡♡♡

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TuesdayThoughts

Fear.

August 03, 2015


"We can easily forgive a child for being afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato

There are so many quotes to describe fear, so many beautiful sayings by beautiful people with incredible viewpoints on life. It's strange that something as powerful and overwhelming as fear is something so universally experienced. It's not like fear is this completely revolutionary topic that has never been spoken about before, because it has. Fear has been psychologically picked to pieces and I think that the most common, explanation is the flight or fight response.

When fear strikes we call upon or primal instincts, and generally our instincts tell us to either strap on the boxing gloves and fight or turn around and bolt in the other direction. I don't entirely understand where this instinct comes from but I know that we experience it. We are shown it on television and in books but when I think back on my entire 18 years of life I have not once been told how to deal with fear. The general and stereotypical idea is "face your fears." We are meant to mirror the protagonist in all our favourite TV shows and books where they take on the bad guy and defeat them, getting the girl or the gold. But the thing is, that's fiction, it's a writer creating a world that doesn't exist where they have 100% control over what happens. From the perspective of an average person it's sometimes incredibly hard and often dangerous to mirror the values that we are subjected to our whole lives, we are left wondering what we are doing wrong and why we can't overcome our fear.

Generally speaking I usually run. I take flight and avoid my problems. Sometimes I run and never face them. Other times I run till I feel brave enough the face my fears. Then I'll run back and fight them. I'll fight for what I want and I won't let fear run my life. But when I do this, it's often too late. I've missed the opportunity to do something great all because I got scared. That's what bothers me the most about fear. Not the fact that it makes my body shake or that it makes me cry, I hate that it makes me miss out. It brings back the whole idea of 'FOMO' but ironically it's all connected. You're scared to say yes, so you turn down an offer then you're stuck with that fear of missing out, feeling like you're being left behind.

The thing about fear is that you remember what you're scared of but you can't remember feeling fear. I don't know whether this is some psychological, natural human response where we repress certain feelings but I can't remember feeling that feeling of being scared. I can remember moments and memories where I would've felt scared and afraid but I can't remember that tight feeling in my chest, where my palms beginning to sweat, my heart-rate skyrockets and my body begins to shake uncontrollably. I know that growing up I was scared of dogs and the dark but in those moments where I would've felt scared I don't remember what it physically feels like.
Did I have a different response to fear than what I do now? Was I brave and optimistically believed that I could face every fear?

At the end of the day we all want to know how do you stop feeling scared. We want to know how to you stop letting fear control our lives.

To tell you the truth I have no clue. I don't know why or how but sometimes fear controls my life and it stops me from doing the things I love with the people I love more than anything in the world. I let my fears become so much bigger than they are, and it's not right. Fear should not have that much power of an individual. Being scared is a state of mind not a physical barrier, and I think that taking the time to acknowledge that is the first step in facing your fears. I don't know anyone who is completely fearless. Everyone I know is afraid of something and even though that's what makes us human many people fight fear. They think it's a sign of weakness.

I don't know how much about fear, but what I do know and believe is that we are given a choice.
We are given the choice to fight or take flight.

♡♡♡

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TuesdayThoughts

Conversations.

July 27, 2015


"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say what counts." - Margaret Lee Runbeck

Dedicated to the people talking about Guardians of the Galaxy on the bus. 

So today I was sitting on the bus, half listening to music and half eavesdropping on the people sitting a few rows behind me. By the sound of their conversation it seemed as though they had just met or did not know each other very well and it got me thinking about conversations. 

When you think about it, having a conversation with someone is something really weird. I guess anything that we do as humans can be incredibly weird when you you begin to analyse it.

You can have conversations that are completely one-sided, where there is only one voice talking. You can have conversations which are more like a question and answer segment, where the people in the conversation have adopted this tactic to help the conversation flow. I've noticed a lot of shy people, including myself do this because if the other person I'm conversing with doesn't really uphold their end I don't know what to say. There are conversations you have with people and it just works. There's not other way to describe it. Everything flows right and you feel no pressure to think of something to say. Even if the conversation drifts off you are able to sit in silence and not feel awkward.

Being the nosey person I am, eavesdropping is one of my favourite hobbies. I love listening to people's conversations and even at my internship, someone said I have that look about me. I'm still not 100% sure what that means to be completely honest.

When you think about it, we all have so many different habits and quirks which allow us to be individuals. It's those defining characteristics which make us individual and without those individual characteristics and opinions we would all be the same. We would be exact copies of each other and then we would suffer. No one wants to live in a world like that.

I'm not sure whether it's because I'm curious or because I've always been a shy person but for me, listening to two strangers have a conversation is something I find incredibly interesting. Sometimes it's nice to get a sneak peak into someone else's day.

♡♡♡

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TuesdayThoughts

Rainy Days.

April 20, 2015


"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." - Jose N Harris

Today has been an awful day for so many people, and not just in the fact that it's been pouring rain. On days like this, the weather is speaking the words that so many people can't

I don't want to write about something that had nothing to do with me personally, but when something like this happens it shakes you. It makes you question everything. Whether you knew the person personally or you just know their friends and family, it's still such a scary and awful thing to happen.

When something like this happens those affected feel a sense of emptiness, because they have lost a piece of their lives. They have lost a small fragment of the puzzle that makes a person who they are.

People deal with this loss in so many different ways. Some use it to their advantage, and use such tragic events for their own personal gain. Others tend to lash out and become filled with rage and anger. They take out their pain and frustration on those who love them. And the most common is shutting yourself off. Locking all the doors and refusing to make contact with the outside world, because you know it will hurt too much.

People deal with loss in such different ways, and it's hard to be there for the ones that we love, but we have to try. No matter how hard they push away, we have to stay strong. We have to keep sending those happy vibes into the world and be there for those who need us, even in their darkest moments. Sometimes just knowing someone is there, is all that a person needs.

I don't know why it happened or what I can do to make it okay, I do know that another angel has returned to heaven and my thoughts and prayers are with those who need it. I'm always here, rain or shine, night or day. I promise I'm always here for those who need me.

♡♡♡

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TuesdayThoughts

Lazy Sunday.

April 19, 2015


"Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One of my all time favourite past times, is to sit in bed and watch YouTube videos, and I think Sunday is the best day of the week for this. Now on this particular Sunday I have been catching up on some vlogs, which are my all-time favourite YouTube videos. 

I'm sort of sad now, I'm sick of sitting here doing nothing, I want to travel, I want to go somewhere and it's not helping that no one else is really very excited to do something. For someone whose never left their own country the travel bug is hitting harder than ever and right now I am trying to save every penny I can, so one day I will be able to travel the world. Explore the cities that I love and the meet the people I'm yet to meet.

Today I'm just feeling very confused. Kind of lost and a bit sad. For some of my friends there is a lot happening for them right now, everything is taking off and I couldn't be prouder or happier if I tried, but with these feelings of happiness there is naturally feelings of sadness and jealousy too. I kind of feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a rut, and even though the days keep going by and the months keep turning over I feel like I'm going no where. I feel like I'm being left behind. 

I'm beginning to question everything. Every life choice and every decision that I've made. I have so many goals and aspirations and my bucket list is 1805845km long, yet I've done none of them. I'm still in bed, at 1pm on a Sunday, just thinking. 

I don't write  for sympathy. I don't write so people will feel sorry for me, or ask if I'm okay. I write for me. I write so I can sleep better at night and I write so I don't carry around any negativity. Positive vibes only. 

Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it in my bones. I'm so stoked to whip out my camera  and spend some time with the people I love.

♡♡♡

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TuesdayThoughts

Emotions.

April 18, 2015


"One thing that you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside." - John Lennon 

Today was not the best of days so far. It started off pretty good, and didn't end that badly, but somewhere in the middle it all went a little bit wrong. Sometimes one thing happens, and you think you're over it. Then another thing happens, and you think you're over it. Then a third thing happens, and whilst you're still trying to cope with this one, a little something called snowballing happens. 

All these bad things have gathered into one giant snowball, and when you thought you did the right thing by putting them behind you, you really just turned your back on a moving object that is slowly coming towards you. And the worst part is, you didn't even notice how big the snowball was until you were crushed under it,  a wet, soppy mess. 

In today's culture you're allowed to be a mess and you're allowed to take as long as you need to deal with whatever you're dealing with, almost to the extent where it's glamorised to be a mess. Being a mess is not okay. Being a mess sucks. It's not nice to feel like the whole world has turned against you when really it's only a couple of minor problems that just suddenly turned into one massive snowball. 

Now there's two sides to every story. Everyone feels certain emotions at some point in time, and that's okay because we're human. You're allowed to have your moment where you collapse onto your bed and let the tears flow, but the real way to deal with your emotions is to have your moment. Let your pillow soak up all your problems. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go wash your face and finally move on. 

The snowball days aren't fun. No one likes the idea of all their emotions creeping up on them to the extent that it makes them feel sick, but it sometimes just happens and the most important thing is that you have to do what makes you happy. I know this is one of the most overused phrases ever but in the end it's just you against the world. There's no one to hold your hand when you're sad or buy you chocolates, it's just you. And if you're not happy doing what you're doing, screw what everyone else thinks you HAVE to think of yourself, because you're the one whose there at the start of the day and at the end of the day. 

When you think about recovering from a snowball day, you think off the people that pull you up. The people that hand you a towel and a tissue. More times than not, these are you friends. Now when you think about your friends you're begin to picture a few faces in your head. There are the people who you are simply friends with because you have been friends with them for so long that it's hard not to be friends with them. There's the friends that support you in everything you do, the friends that tell you you're amazing and how proud they are of you. The friends that tell you that you can take on the world and that you deserve the absolute best. There is also the friends that put you second, they suck every living drop out of you till you cannot give anymore and leave. They leave you a hollow shell. A hollow shell, with a snowball approaching and not even a scarf to protect you. Some friends do this unintentionally, unintentionally realising they're hurting you, unintentionally realising that they're pushing you away. One of the hardest things in this world is trying to realise who your true friends are, and to tell you the truth, I don't know. I don't know how to tell who your true friends are, but I guess we just have to sit and hope that the friends that we've surrounded ourself with are true. 

There are good days, there are bad days and there are snowball days. In the end it's you against the world. So if I have any advice, coming from someone whose recently faced a snowball day, it's put on a coat. For now it's a little bit chilly, but I can see the sun coming out from behind the clouds. 

♡♡♡

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Beauty

Hand Cream?

April 13, 2015


"I wonder what will happen if I put hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?" - Ellen DeGeneres

Ladies I've discovered a secret! I have had this hand cream for the longest time, and I have such a love hate relationship with hand cream as I go through so many phases with it. Sometimes I love it and I am fully committed to putting it on my hands everyday and other times I don't use it for weeks. This hand cream smells like Pomegranate's and makes your hands so soft and smell so nice, sometimes I just find myself putting it on, just to smell my hands.

I unfortunately do not know the brand of this or where you can get it, as I received it as a gift. All I know is that it says "Keep Clean and Cream" and I am dreading the day when I run out!

A quick tip is to keep your hand cream on your beside table, so after you put your book down at night just pop it on your hands, turn off your light and go to sleep! When you wake up your hands will be hydrated, soft and smell incredible. 

I was playing with the focus on my camera so I hope you enjoy these little pictures and ignore my watch tan!



♡♡♡

Photos are all my own, taken on my Canon 1200D. 

Music

March 2015 Playlist

April 08, 2015



"Music can change the world because it can change the people." - Bono

So I've wanted to do this for a really long time but I just haven't had the time to put together February and January yet, but stay tuned! However, here is the top 10 songs that I've loved in the month of March. Hope you can find some new music to get into!
This post is inspired by the blog Bambi Beauty and Will Darbyshire also does something similar on his spotify!

1. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant 

Photography

A Weekend Getaway.

April 04, 2015


"The only reason reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend." - Chuck Palahniuk

In late December (26th-29th) my best pal and I took a trip to Melbourne, and I just thought I would put together a post of all the pictures I took. For me this was a very exciting trip because it was the first time I had ever flown on a plane without my parents or went on a holiday without my family. This was a wonderful and relaxing trip and I want to thank Lauren so much for bringing me with her and to her family for letting us stay with them!
I hope you enjoy!



TuesdayThoughts

Oh I Wish That I Could Live Beside the Seaside.

February 08, 2015


"The sea, once it casts it's spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Yves Cousteau

The 'sea' is defined as an expanse of salt water that covers most of the earth's surface and surrounds it's land masses. 

I was always told that people found the sea to be a calming force and to be honest, I could never understand what they meant. Recently I spent a week at the beach and prior to that I spent the weekend at a place that was 10 minutes from the beach, and if I learnt anything during my vacations, it's that the sea is one of the most calming parts of our natural world. 

When I was younger I used to be obsessed with the any books written by Shirley Barber. One of my personal favourites was the one which she wrote about two children that lived by the sea. In this story the children were able to venture under the sea where a beautiful mermaid lived, and as I write this post I can't help but to think back to that book. I can't stop imaging the world in which Shirley created. The illustrations depicted a city of lights surrounded by coral and life, and it really does make you question what's under the sea. 

My bucket list consists of things I want to do and places I want to go, and one of the major goals for me is to go to the Great Barrier Reef, which is one of Australia's natural most beautiful heritage listed landmarks which is located in Northern Queensland. The Great Barrier Reef is known for it's breathtaking beauty and now the thirst for me to go there is stronger then ever. 

The sea is a place of fascination and overall mystery, and I'm dying to go back. 

The following photos were taken on South Melbourne Pier, as the waves crashed.





♡♡♡

images taken by me on my Canon 1200D.

The Tube of You.

January 18, 2015


"I think YouTube has destroyed the genre barrier. People can be into Justin Bieber and Eminem at the same time. It's a good thing." - Ed Sheeran 

I haven't posted a video on YouTube in just about a month, and I have excuses, like my beautiful camera was damaged on the plane to Melbourne and the lighting has just not been 100%. Hopefully today I will be filming a video for you all, but I just thought I would leave the link to my last video here to get you all in the mood for some new laurenmtp videos! 

Nic and I sat in front of the ol' Christmas tree and played some Christmas Pictionary! 


Feel free to watch the video; maybe like, comment and subscribe if you're interested! 

♡♡♡

TuesdayThoughts

Anger.

January 10, 2015


"For every minute that you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anger and frustration is something that we are all constantly constantly plagued with. It doesn't matter who the person is, or what you think of them, at some point you are going to get mad and disagree with some if their choices.  

We are surrounded by a lot of people in our lives who do a lot of things, sometimes it's something incredible and you cannot agree more with what they're saying or doing. You wholeheartedly support their decision and you are filled with this absolute sense of pride, but sometimes your reaction can be the complete opposite. It's strange how sometimes the people who we hold close can often drive us completely insane. 

When you're angry with someone, you have a coupe choices, hold onto that anger and don't let it go. Let the anger swell up inside of you until you can barely stand to look at them. You just want to expel every negative thought that you have ever had about that person. You want to yell and scream and stomp your feet like a child because sometimes it all gets too much. The quiet girl that's always polite and well-mannered has had enough and nows the time to tell you what I really think. It's strange how anger has this power over us, the power to take control of our words and emotions and send them out into the world. 

Am I the only one that gets like this? The only one who strives to be a good friend, but sometimes becomes so frustrated and angry with people that you just snap. You loose it, and you either yell at someone and tell them what you really think or you write out that list in your head, the list of everything that has ever annoyed you about the other person but you'd never have the guts to say it. I often find myself taking the second approach, the approach where I never tell people what I really think in fear that they'll hold against me. I never tell people what I really think because I'm scared they won't like me anymore. I never tell people what I really think because I don't want to loose the friendships that took so long to create. 

Now you've made your move, you've either said what you really think or you've kept it to yourself. Either way you're usually sitting there, alone, feeling angry with yourself, because you said what you really thought or because you didn't say what you really think. 

Someone once told me something, which I'm pretty sure he paraphrased from Buddha, but it was that being angry with someone is like holding onto a hot coal. You can squeeze it and hold it in your hot little hand and nothing will happen, but if you don't let it go, if you don't release that hot coal the only thing that can result from it, is that you'll have a burnt hand. 

Is it better to hold onto our anger, keeping it inside and letting it consume us or are we better to say what we really think, put those out into the world and wait patiently for the result. 

♡♡♡