December 06, 2014

"Happiness is not something that can be made. It comes from your own actions." - The Dalai Lama 

So I think I've got it back? Or at least I'm trying to get it back. I don't understand what's wrong with me or why I'm having these feelings, but lately I just have been scared to blog, which is strange for me because there is nothing I love more than knowing people are reading what I write. But I think I've found a solution. I'm currently reading Zoe Sugg aka Zoella's novel 'Girl Online', and I love it. I am obsessed and it is honestly inspiring me so much to write again, so today I thought I would write a little post about happiness. 

Right now, my life is going so well, and at the back of my mind, there's this little thought saying "not for much longer," and I'm not fond of that voice, if I'm honest I want to kick it out, because this post is not about some pesky voice at the back of my head, but rather the immense feelings of happiness which I am currently plagued with. I feel so incredibly spoilt, a lot of things in my life right now are going absolutely perfectly, and when I look back on the year that was I feel so incredibly happy. Even though this has been one of the most stressful years of my young life, I'm so happy it's done. I feel so incredibly free and I feel like I can just do what I want. 

I don't want this year to end, the months are absolutely flying by and there's still so much I want to do, before I start University in the Fall, we don't call it Fall in Australia, I just thought it sounded cooler saying I start Uni in the fall. 

There is so much happy in my life right now and lately I've been having these days where I just burst into tears because I am so incredibly happy. Wonderful things are happening to my closest friends and it just makes me SO HAPPY. I don't know why, but I do know that I have chosen some of the best people to spend my life with, and the fact that they are happy makes me feel so overwhelmed with joy and pride I just burst into tears. I don't understand myself at this moment in time, I don't understand why I feel so incredibly emotional, so I thought blogging about it might give me some clarity. 

I just want to bottle up all this happiness and store it away forever. I am about to do some amazing things over the next couple weeks and I cannot wait to share it with you all. My eyes will be locked on my camera and I will be posting as many photos as humanly possible on this blog, that reminds me, I need to buy a new memory card so I will have plenty of room for capturing all these incredible things. 

I have been given so many opportunities, and if I'm honest, I feel like I don't deserve them. I am surrounded by the most wonderful, supportive and enthusiastic people, who I know I can come to about absolutely anything and everything. I don't know why I was ever scared to tell people more about my life, because from what I'm experiencing right now, it's one of the best decisions I have ever made. I feel like I don't deserve this happiness, and I feel like one day it's all going to disappear and I'll be alone again. It's sort of similar to what happened to Charlotte in Sex and the City, where everything is going so incredibly well in your life you begin to develop this fear, this fear that something is going to go wrong, this fear that you've done something wrong and this fear that there is just someone out there waiting to take your happiness and rip it from you, someone is going to take your happiness and stomp on it, till that great balloon of joy is nothing but an empty piece of rubber in the dirt. 

Happiness is very fragile and it can be taken away so easily. Some people will feed off other's happiness, trying to suck them dry and take away their happiness. Other people rejoice in happiness, trying to spread it around so the entire world can bask in this feeling of absolute joy. It's up to you to decide what type of presence you bring to this world and what type of person you are. 

People have always told me that the most important thing is for you to be happy, and I never really understood what they were saying until now. During the HSC my friend Negin said, 'but the most important thing is that you're happy and that you're healthy.' At the time all I could think was, 'yeah I know, but right now my happiness has got to take second place to my future.' Now, thinking back on what she said and happiness has got to be linked to your health, because even though I don't get the most sleep or eat the healthiest, I just feel so happy and so thankful for all the opportunities that I have been given, for all the people in my life, and for you, yes you reading this right now. I'm thankful for you. We may not know each other very well, or we may not know each other at all, but by you reading this right now, because right now, whether you know it or not, you're making me feel very, very happy. 

Do you understand what I'm going through? Do you sometimes get this overwhelming feeling of happiness? And hey, what's making you feel happy right now? 


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